Parenting
How often do you celebrate what someone else has done?
If you’re a parent, especially of a toddler or preschooler, this is an easy question to answer. It’s every day, and probably multiple times every day. It’s a normal part of the parenting relationship.
- Taking three steps instead of two before plopping down on that diapered bottom? Cheers erupt from the sofa!
- Coloring, mostly inside the lines, a picture of a smiling rainbow butterfly? Dad is beaming with pride!
- Carrying that glass of milk to the table, and only spilling a little? Mom couldn’t be happier, and encourages her young helper, even while she’s wiping up the mess.
And even when they get taller and maybe smarter than us, and aren’t looking for their parents’ validation as much, we can still be deeply affected when our kids do well. It can make us feel overwhelmed – even teary-eyed – as our kids mature.
- When they get selected for a leadership role at school.
- When they take personal responsibility in getting something done around the house.
- When they graduate from high school or college, or get hired for their first job.
All of these events can leave us, as parents, filled with joy and pride and a sense of accomplishment. Part of our reaction is our own feelings of a job well-done. We managed to get our kids from a place of complete reliance on us, to a place of self-reliance, and it feels good.
But there’s more to it than that. There is a genuine emotional and spiritual connection that grows as we pour ourselves into another person. And because of that connection, something real happens to us when something happens to our kids – good or bad. And no matter what they do, one of our goals as parents is to keep on lifting them up, supporting them spiritually and emotionally to help them to do and be their best.
Spiritual Parenting
The apostle Paul had the same kind of reaction when he received news from the people at the churches he mentored. When he received word that the Thessalonians were doing well, he said he lived, and that it caused him to rejoice.
For now we live, if you stand fast in the Lord. For what thanks can we render to God for you, for all the joy with which we rejoice for your sake before our God, night and day praying exceedingly that we may see your face and perfect what is lacking in your faith?
~1 Thessalonians 3:8-10 (NKJV)
That he was happy or proud of them seems natural. Saying that you’re living because of someone else’s choices might seem a little excessive. But, if you take into consideration that Paul wasn’t just their teacher, he was their mentor and spiritual father, it makes more sense.
Being a mentor to someone is very much like being their parent. It’s about becoming truly connected, spiritually and emotionally. It’s about pouring yourself into another person or group of people so that their life becomes an extension of your life. Their success becomes your success. Their weakness or failings become an opportunity to lift them up, support them, and help them to do better next time.
When you’re connected in that way, you can’t help but celebrate the small victories as milestones to something greater. You will have your heart broken when that one you love and support is heartbroken. And you’ll cheer and rejoice when their struggles unfold and blossom in new levels of maturity.
Just as with natural parenting, being a spiritual mother or father can take a lot of energy, and sometimes you might wonder if it is worth the trouble. But the rewards of truly living through the successes of the one you’re connected with make it all worthwhile.
Who are you a spiritual parent to? What are some of the struggles you’ve faced? What are the victories you’ve celebrated? Feel free to share your experiences in our comment section.
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